current mood: contemplative
So tonight i said good-bye to my daughter, who is as we speak moving in with her friend right here in town, thank god, anywhere else would probably kill me. We as in my family and close friends have been through a lot with this girl child of mine and i am sure there will be more in the road ahead but for now all is calm. Tamara came home when she realized that right now school is a bit to much for her with her current issues in her life to handle right now. And to be honset mine too, she will kill me yet i just know it. But i am getting off at the wrong stop here, anyway tonite i said my good-bye to her and she took her stuff i have been bitching about for over 2 mths now and her dog and away she went. HMMMMMM yup i have a 21 yr old son that has been out for a bit now and he just moved into a friends place also and i felt great relief that i knew he was going to be in a better place than he was. And it is not that Tam wont be in a better place i know she will, she will have her own space and Mom wont be poking her nose in and out of it like a cake in the oven. Maybe it is because she is my only girl and her leaving leaves me in a sea of tossing testosterone AGAIN... when she left for college i cried for days, now i just feel at a loss, i miss her already and she is about 2 miles away. Hmmmmmppfff maybe i secretly liked having something to complain about, and now that she is gone, but that can't be it, i can think of 20 different things to complain about and thats on a bad day. Maybe it is the girl thing, i had her to chat with, or maybe it is the fact that i worry about her excessively, hmmm i don't know. But i will have to deal i know and i will thanks to Lj and being able to vent when needed. But too top this nite off , my husband of 14 years, which we have been experiencing some troubled waters latley, kissed her on the cheek told her to call if she needed anything that he loved her. I watched her drive off and then continued to read a book i was engrossed in before she came to get her things, the words getting blurry before my eyes, my phone chimes in..and it is a text from the man sitting across from me, " It will be okay hun, i am here for you to cry on instead of that page your trying to read" Ahhhh just when i think i want to kill him and be done with it he says something or does something, because he knows me so well...Damn-it, i hate it when people can read me that well..even my husband, i love to keep people guessing,even him. But tonight he came shinning through as the man i fell in love with...I thought growing up was for our children but i think at times because we reach a certain age we think we have learned all that can be learned, nope i guess we all are hamsters on the wheels of life, just keep going and going and going..round and round.And learning as we go along..yup, stop too fast and ..bam...you go flying through the air and the ground reaches up and slams you pretty hard..I hope Tami lands safer then others have, and i hope she learns , and mostly i hope she has learned from recent mistakes and learns to not repeat them,or catches herself before hitting the ground so hard she can't get up, and i wont be there to help her up.